Suicidal or Dead?

  I intend to touch on some serious subjects so let's start by reinstating what I said on my first blog; I write as I think, my thoughts grow as I add words to the page so stay with me until the end, then feel free to comment or disagree. That being said I wish to empty my mind so enjoy.

  Death, being as exciting and unpredictable as it is, is a very serious subject. Regardless of your beliefs of the afterlife or lack thereof death is separation from everyone you love. Even if you believe in reincarnation death still separates the person you knew from you. Death is serious part of life but, as I think I'm coming to realize, death surrounds everyone. Obviously it would be easy to say that death surrounds everyone because is the end of life; trees die, people die, even microwaves die, however that is not what I'm talking about. I wonder if there is a certain feeling of death that surrounds us or, maybe it is a sort of suicidal tendency. I by no means am implying that people are naturally given the idea of taking their own life; rather people seem to be exceptionally willing to give their own life for a variety of things. When it comes down to it everyone has something that propels them forward; an idea of what they want to be and with many people, at least everyone that I have ever met, that thing is something they would be willing to give their life for.

  I'm not trying to make light or death or suicide; they are both very serious and impact many people in a variety of ways; however, the giving of ones own life over to something is also very serious in my eyes. Allow me to give you an example: You are given two plants; both healthy and will stunningly beautiful once they bloom. With these plants come the instructions; if these plants die there is no way to replace them; they are forever dead. A serious portion of your life becomes devoted to protecting and maintaining your plants and making sure that when they bloom they're seen by as many people as possible. Turn that into real life; you only have so much time to ready yourself before you "bloom". Often people spend a large portion of their time making sure they have an audience to cheer them on for when they bloom, friends to support them until they do and a plethora of other types of people surrounding them and their life for the moment they bloom.

  Its easy to say "this isn't about suicide at all! Or hardly death even!" But reconsider what suicide is, taking ones own life... By using your time surrounding yourself with people to give you a social-high you are giving up your time (Your life) to make sure what you do is approved and accepted by others. I'm in no way saying to go through life alone or that is a good idea. In my years often it seems that the people that seem to be surrounded by friends are just as much alone as the people who are made fun of for being alone; the only things that separate people who rank in a different social class tend to be genetics or certain skill-sets; nothing serious.

  My mind is relieved and in the end it is this; No matter how much of your life you spend trying to make someone else care about you, notice you, appreciate you or even notice that your heart is beating make sure you do not give away your life trying to wiggle your way into someone else's. Everyone has a life and only one; don't give yours away so quickly, you need it.

--Mattaghetti

Far From Poetry.

  I am not poetic; I explain life how I see it to be. Often people confuse the two whenever I try to explain a thought or feeling I have. People often say I am "poetic" or deep but in my mind all I do is explain the world around me the best I can regardless of how "poetic" it sounds.
  Poetry isn't bad; it's a key to unlocking deeper or personal feelings that simply cannot be expressed by other means. It rates along side music, dancing or art; it is the path from an image -be it in ones mind or in the physical form in front of them- to an emotion. However, even with my ability to write at a decent level I am not a poet. The difference between what I write and true poetry is what you want the reader to experience. When I attempt to explain something using "deep" thoughts or words I aim to let out an emotion I have; free a thought or voice a wisp-like hope. When a poet captivates an emotion they do so for the reader. They build a bridge in the hope that someone else may be able to use it to cross; my work is built for the other party to understand where I'm coming from.
  Although I lack poetic ability that does not mean I am free of emotion or emotional understanding. I believe poetry, just as much as any other form of artistic expression, needs to be toned, explored and experimented with. I believe I have poetic ability just as much as I do the ability to paint or make music though none of these skills have been toned to the level I would aim to present to others, though, is that really the aim of true art expression?
  I honestly do not think I have a presentable level of artistic expression but is that the true meaning of art? The counterargument for my point is simple: Art is meant as a form of expression showing that we are all experiencing life at a different place and at different times; art is not a word but a poem, not a note but a song, not a painting but rather a frame in which we create life.
  If I am not poetic it could be because I lack skill or because I simply do not want to express that part of me. Poetry as well as other forms of art is an expression and whether we choose to express that side of ourselves is a gift that only we can accept.

  "A life lived alone is the life of a leaf on water. The hope that some day he will go deeper soon leads to the realization that to do so he must first destroy who he is in the hope that the water will embrace the new him."-Me

"Often people who are lonely live life as if they have the feeling of wind on their face; they know it isn't touching them because it has great strength but because no one is there standing next to them to stop the flow of it."-Me

--Mattaghetti

I Swear...

Its a funny concept, swearing that is. Not the sort of swearing where you promise someone something but rather the type of swearing that is also referred to as "Cursing" "Foul" and a variety of other things. The words your parents told you not to say, the things you utter when you drop something and it breaks, that's the type of swearing I'm talking about.
This type of swearing or cursing is often looked at as inappropriate or wrong but why? The "F-Bomb" is just sex, right? And the "S-word" is just a more aggressive way of saying poop or crap, so why then are these other forms of words considered offensive? There are two reasons I think; expression and aggression. Let's look at expression first.
Expression as in if something valuable breaks or is lost the words that you speak to express your feelings. These words in their actual meaning have little or nothing to do with what you're trying to say. Yelling poop when something is lost really doesn't express the frustration of the situation as well as actual words would but they're what we've accepted.

The other type of swearing; aggression, is person based on hurting others. Usually this is followed by "you" like "damn you" or Eff you" the difference in the swearing comes down to intention; were you expressing the pain you felt or were you intending to harm someone else?
I won't condem swearing nor will I accept it. It (generally) makes people sound like they lack intelligence or self-control when they use it but when it comes down to it swearing isnt much more than people expressing feelings the best they know how, be it intelligent sounding or not.