I enjoy talking. It is easily one of my favorite things to do. I could, and sometimes do, spend hours with people talking about the way they see things around them. It's interesting, to me, to get the perspective of someone who isn't me. I see through my eyes the majority of the time, but on the occasion that I convince someone else to help me to see the world through their eyes, that is a truly wonderful time. These types of conversation, the ones where I start to understand people and their lives better, seem to have started me saying a new phrase: "I don't know"
There's nothing wrong with not knowing things. That's not what I'm saying whatsoever. I seem to, for some reason, have begun saying "I don't know" about far more things than I should. I say it when I know things, I say it when I don't know, I say it when I can't find the right words and sometimes I even say it randomly when I have a lot on my mind, openly admitting "I don't know" to no one. I wonder if it is a nervous habit or if its possible that in all honesty I really don't know. By this I mean I know a lot of things; I have good grades, an active mind and an adventurous, learning attitude. I wonder sometimes though that if my not knowing is more based on more of my knowing for the future and less of my knowing about right now.
When I say I know for the future it can be explained by the model of a marathon runner. He really doesn't know why he works so hard to push his body each day. After all, he will work out again the next day or the next week so why does he have to keep pushing so hard through each day, regardless of how challenging each day is? It really doesn't seem justified. But, by knowing himself and his own goal he knows that by even missing one day he could totally destroy the path he is on. He has to keep a sound mind and body to achieve the things his heart wants to accomplish. I often wonder if this is why I keep moving through life so quickly and with my eyes looking to the future. I also wonder if this is why I have started saying "I don't know" so much more frequently. It is possible that in my heart I know where I am going and why I do all of the things that I do. In my head, if I think about it long enough, almost everything I do makes sense and I find myself at peace. At the same time, if I don't think about it I can find myself confused with the way life is going. If I look at my life with a different perspective I can see the things and people I lack that I would much rather have. I see the time I give away to education and work and if I'm not careful I see it as a pointless endeavor. The trick I am learning is to be future-minded, looking towards tomorrow far more than I am looking at today. I still focus on what I do in day to day life, that is important. However, I have to know where I am wanting to go in life in my heart and then align my head and the actions of my hands to carry that out.
Life is not easy. It is often fun, but rarely easy. From the experience I have had I would say to be careful to not set your eyes on today. Today may the most beautiful day you have ever seen but tomorrow is a discovery to be made. Learn what you expect from that discovery and today can make tomorrow better.
-Mattaghetti
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