Limelight-less

           Typically, I think of my life as under my own control, or, at least controlled by forces I understand. Things like employment make sense; I know my boss, I understand a District manager and how they operate in a position of power over me at my job, these forms of power make sense.

The blurred line for me are the people I cannot see.

            There are forces in the world today that can change your life in a moment due to simply random selection, this concept is, first of all, somewhat alarming, also, a very curious thing to live your life knowing. To demonstrate this, I don’t have to reflect much further than Alex from Target, the man with the Golden Voice for radio or Dave, who simply went to the dentist. I understand that these people are only known (to the degree that they are known, you may not even know them) simply due to videos or pictures that went viral, spreading through the internet rapidly. A phenomena that can spread a video of a homeless man who simply has an excellent voice, an internet that can make a child who was bitten words (Charlie’s brother) turn into a quotable moment, and, can make a young man, simply bagging groceries become thrust into a national limelight is an amazing, and somewhat frightening thing.

            I suppose that the only reason I am reflecting on this suddenly with such an intense focus is because it happens to me from time to time. Obviously not in the same degree as Alex or Charlie, however, seeing that people whom I have never met (and honestly, probably never will meet) enjoy reading or watching things I say or do is kind of a mind blowing thing. Knowing that something you produced is gaining an audience of people who simply want you to do more and be yourself is awe-inspiring.

This coming from a young man who often muffled his own creativity.

            I suppose to some extent, this is a thank you. Thank you to whoever enjoys things I create. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, thank you from the top of any mountain you help me climb. Thank you for being you and supporting me.

 

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Painfully Artistic

Painfully Artistic.

 

  I think this may turn towards the reader rather than focusing on myself like I prefer to do, not that I'm more interested in myself, I just know me better so it becomes easier to write based on what I know.    I think this is more of a curiosity, mainly because I wonder if you, the reader, is like me in the regard that I often feel hopelessfully hopeful.

 

  Let's be clear, you may get lost, I may get lost. But, lets try to stick together as I unwind my mind today. Here goes...

 

  I wonder if other people experiance the same feeling I do. I want to do something, I don't know what, I mean, I know a lot of the things I want to do. I want to use my time better, look better, impact more people, find more honest relationships and move past the point in my life where many people seem unhappy and zombie-like and somehow find myself in a place where people are living because they enjoy life. Not paradise, just a place where people actually like living. Living, as I see it, is a daily action, so, if people aren't enjoying the things they do on a daily basis (work, school, relationships they're involved in, etc) then they're not really enjoying life. I don't know, maybe I'm too ignorant and I don't understand yet that life isn't meant to be enjoyed. I understand that life isn't meant to be easy, I have no problem with that. I currently sit writing 45 minutes from my home, just released from a morning class and waiting for an afternoon nap, if there is anywhere that isn't a fun place to be, its waiting for a class you probably won't enjoy, but I digress. I don't want to complain. I just wonder, does anyone else feel the same? Do other people feel stiffled and shut down by various things that happen (or often don't happen) in their lives? Not in a complaining-type of way, just in an honest, "Yes, life sometimes makes me feel like I have things to release" kind of way.    For me personally, I find this feeling comes the most often when I haven't had the chance to write for a long time. "Then, write more often." one may say. While I understand the logic there I simply don't know what to say. I want to do more with myself than place my thoughts and ideas down on sheets of paper. Not that its bad, I love it, I just have other things I have to (and want to) do as well.

 

 

  Is it the same for you? Do you find your life slightly more boring when you don;'t have that musical connection? Are you less alive when you lack social exchanges? Feel free to comment and chat, I enjoy imput.

 

  On a somewhat related side note, I think I'm going to be making YouTube videos again, so I may post some of those here, I don't know, this is just whats gonig through my mind.

 

-Mattaghetti

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Plateau

  When it comes to life, the life lived by the author of this article anyway, there are very few fears that are experienced on a regular basis. True, fear strikes everyone and some people it assaults at on a daily basis and even more so with other people. The removal of that fear is not what has been active in my mind as of late, it is more the understanding of what I fear and trying my best to avoid it that is what has been the challenge. While many people would attempt to remove a fear, the fears I face most I embrace. I attempt to understand them, and, if possible, I use them to motivate choices that have to be made. 

  I would be thinking in a very lofty way if I were to say that there isn't a twinge of feeling that strikes when I am standing high above water that is flowing the bridge I stand upon. I have no fear of water (the fact that I simply do not enjoy swimming aside) and I posses little to no fear of bridges (although some are extremely under-maintained) however, the thing that would cause the racing in my chest would be the height itself; I have an aversion to heights. I do not hate them nor am I afraid of them honestly. I've flown in planes and flown planes and never in the planes themselves have I felt the pressure that I find when I stand too close to an edge, stand up too far in my seat on a Ferris' wheel and so on. My aversion to heights is not something that I find flowing into every encounter I have with heights, just a select few, however, the fear I have about life is something that finds it's way into every job I have had in my life; the fear of a plateau.

  To make my point simple and as easy to relate as possible, I want this to be understood; I DO NOT LET MYSELF PLATEAU. When I think of a plateau I think of a nice, safe, flat place. We may have climbed a mountain, one that we were waiting and training to climb for the past two months. We now have arrived at a point on the mountain where there is a nice, relaxing plateau to rest on. While it may appear to be easy and relaxing to use this moment to gather our thoughts and then possibly continue on later, I do not (or try my best not to) allow myself to do this. I find this desire, the need to run from such a safe place in my life, to be one of my biggest motivating factors. It has driven me out of jobs, away from friends and even into the blogging that (in all honesty) may be the only thing you ever know me for. I refuse to allow myself to stay in one place for too long. I refuse to plateau.

  While this may not seem like a fear of any sort, the kind of drive it inspires in me is more like that which would be found in fear rather than that which is made by comfortable counsel. I have moved to positions that I was unsure about simply because I felt as though doing what I had been doing had nothing more that could benefit me, why repeat what you are already great at? 

  In short, I cannot allow myself to stay on one level of learning, living, working or listening too long. I have to go deeper, know more or change the environment so the people around me know more than me. I have to keep a mind that is ready to learn. The information being received is just as important is the information being given.

-Mattaghetti

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Burning at the Bottom

I don't sit still well. I have wondered if I suffer from ADD, ADHD, severe boredom or possibly I really just don't have enough practice sitting still. In any case, I have tried to improve. I have practiced sitting still, be it in class, forcing myself to sit 100% still and focused, however, this was to little avail, I still have the habit of moving. Constantly.
As my life has continued I am entering into the work world. I find my habit following me and starting to change my work philosophies. I seem to be unable to sit still. My first jobs had me outdoors, moving, jumping and running. My later jobs found me running and driving often. Now, in my current job I seem to be physically moving less and in status trying to move more. I have perused promotions and connections more than ever with my eyes set on the future. I refuse to let my legs stand when I could run. I refuse to fall when I could fly. I refuse to burn at the bottom when I can climb to the top.
Of course, you can't breath at the  top of a mountain without training and survival of the fittest is also survival of the most prepared. In my life, however I am learning to try to learn faster, listen more and ask more questions. This new "other person" focused way of doing life has been leading to other people who are more willing to talk, more willing to wait and more willing to help.
As I've said before, I don't know, and in this case I don't know of focusing on others and refusing to sit still will really help my life in the long run or even at all, but as of right now that's a risk I'm willing to take.